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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A Day Of Memories

Today has been one of those days full of smiles and countless wonderful thoughts, but then tears start to fall of what's missing in my life, my children's lives and even those around me who miss out on knowing someone as pertinent as my mother.  She lead a very full life despite the fact that half of it was lived fighting to keep her head above water; that's the hard part, you want for someone like that to be able to live a part of their life in peace, being able to enjoy their family and all that they had worked for on this earth.  My mother was only able to do that in very short bursts; between phone calls as a realtor or even before that, being a vending machine company owner and having to work her life away just ends meet.  She died never knowing what it was like to live in the moment; her mind was always somewhere else, always focused on what needed to be done to make the next dollar... I guess that's what happens to someone who lives more of their life as a single mother than anything else (for the good ones anyway).
A year ago today my mother passed away from cancer, she had it in everything from the neck down; they thought it probably started out as breast cancer, but by the time they knew anything about it, it was everywhere, stage four and they gave her six months to live.  I never can get a grasp on something like this, someone who goes from healthy, so strong (inside and out), to someone who didn't even have the strength to smile, little alone, to fight any longer.  Those two things were the very description of my mother and what she was known for; those two things became impossible for her the last week that she was here on this earth.
The greatest team that ever lived.
For all of us; young, old, weak or strong, death comes when you least expect it or even more, when you don't think it's even a possible.  It's something that happens in the movies, not real life... at least for me and yet it's becoming all too familiar on the day to day basis, with the memories of a Mother who did so well at raising her children on her own without a helping hand.  She is my everyday inspiration of Living my life for my family, my husband and my children, she helps to know the true importance of this life through all that she had to give up just to keep a roof over our heads.  The most giving, selfless person that I ever known is not walking on this earth with me hand in hand anymore, but her spirit remains and walks with me in mind and purpose.
We are your legacy and we will
never forget your dedication,
your strength and how you paved
the way for us to live a
life of true happiness... it's all
because of you, MOM!
Mom, I miss you dearly and I remember you sitting there at my bedside, taking a moment to be the Mother you wish you could have been.  "I love you forever, I'll like you for always.  As long as I'm living, your mother I'll be."  You are my mother... for Eternity, forever and ever;  I would never have chosen it any other way.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud... all you can, life is too short to do it any other way!

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