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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Rollacoaster... I'll take you up and I'll bring you down and send you up again!

Yesterday was so fun and so horrible at the same time! My baby girl had to get 6 shots.. that is rediculous!! I was so mad afterwards because she couldn't quit crying, her poor little legs were hurting so bad, I don't think I can ever put her through that again!  I felt terrible and a failure to her, I was shaking and almost started crying, I never want to see my little girl in that much pain again!  After she fell asleep we went to Tempe Market Place where they have a splash pad, my husband stopped by and was supposed to stay and play, but our 2 year old was hungry and tired, I told him it would be a while before she would play in the water so he left to work on some things.  About 30 minutes later she began to play, she was so adorable and I wish so much that I had my camera, but I had forgot it at home and my phone was dead!  She played all by herself running around and hitting each of the water fountains that spring up from the ground, so cute!  She has  never played like that before and it was so beautiful to see her have such fun by herself, she would run over to me laughing and then run back to play, it was so beautiful!

While we were there, a young man who appeared to be high or something walked over to two women who happeded to be sitting acrossed from me.  He leaned over and said something, the mother said "I'm sorry, we can't do that."  I held my baby girl for dear life as he passed by me, I was praying that he would not stop.  He pocceeded to walk away, stopping at a sign and giving it a lashing with his fist... it was the craziest thing I have ever seen!  The mother stood up and walked over to me and explained that the yound man asked them if they would punch him in the face.  I was in complete disarray as I was thinking of leaving just before he appeared.  Nevertheless, we stayed for a bit, hoping that he would be long gone before we left.  People like that just need to learn to stay home!! My heart was pounding and I felt so blessed that my daughter had not run to me until after that guy left, who knows what could have happened and I was so grateful that nothing had occurred and that I did not see him again.  It was the scarriest thing that has happened to me in a long time.

On a higher note...
I am so excited to welcome our new little neice to the family today! I saw her picture just a little bit ago and tears came to eyes. She is so perfect and beautiful!  My sister 'n' law is gorgeous inside and out and I can't tell you how jealous I am of her on a daily basis, but now I'm jealous because she is holding her brand new little baby... that is the very best feeling ever!  I will never forget that feeling and that little look, that look they having just arrived from heaven.  They have this gleaming light all around them and you can't help, but want to hold and stare at that them.  Babies are so amazing, children are so amazing... they teach us so much and I look forward to spending each day with our little ones even if it is hard and tests my patience a lot, but it is well worth it just to see those beautiful smiles and that wonderful laughter that makes you laugh just by watching them.  It is the gratest joy of my life watching these little ones grow and learn... it is a true gift from God.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!! 

Saturday, October 15, 2011

It is a beautiful life!

What makes a day good or bad?  What you put in is what you get out.  Life happens in more ways than one and everyday is a new day, make the best of what you have.  I have someone in my life that feels as though life is what it is and that you can't change the way you are... they obviously haven't tried, not full heartedly anyway.  To me, when you have a beautiful family, a gorgeous house, a great education and everything that many can only dream about... I would be more than grateful, more than happy, in fact, I am.  Instead of dwelling on all the good, if something lacks in life, they focus on that and it becomes their reality in everything they think and do.

At the heavenly temple, I was inspired yesterday as I was able to feel of the overwhelming happiness of the spirits that exist beyond flesh and bone.  Here's my challenge to all of us;  single, married, dating or whatever our situation.  If we have negative thoughts as we speak, smile right this second, seriously, run to a mirror and tell ourselves something great in our life, do it, right now!!!!  Let's do this together; everyday we wake up, if there is someone there beside us, lets tell one thing we love about them  and one thing we love about life (even if they don't feel like doing this with you) just one and if there isn't anyone beside us, take the time to look in the mirror, acknowledging something that we love about ourselves and something that we love about our life.  For more effect, try to write it down so that we can go back and read it when we feel poorly.

It's a strange about us, but there are times that we like to feel down, feel sorry for ourselves, forgetting or never having felt that pure happiness... forget that!!! We have done enough in our lives, we are great and we have done more than some could ever dream and there are a lot of things that we can't change, but the way we SEE our reality isn't one of them.  Change the way we SEE things and we can change our reality... it's that simple.  This is not a mind game, this is simple physics; just because you're bleeding, doesn't mean it hurts.  You have happiness and beauty all around you, so SEE it, FEEL it and KNOW that it is there.  I will do this everyday of my life from here on out.  I may fail to remember a time or two, but the moment I remember, I will change what I haven't done to what I do.  I will see the beauty all around me and I will share this with every person that I come in contact with, starting today.  If I forget to wake, beginning the morning sharing my thoughts of love, I will call or text my significant other the thing I love about them and our life; instantly helping them to focus on the same.  Live in the moment as if you are taking your last breath, only say the things that you want to be known for and other's to remember... that's the safe way to make sure that you leave this life as someone who made a difference.  At my funeral, I want people to say, "She lived life to the fullest and I have not known someone so full of light as she." Embrace each day with a pureness of heart and a love for everything;  I do and I will.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

My head has so many things to say...

the last two days, our garbage disposer has been making a sound as if it were broken.  My husband is the only person who has been using it and I asked if he had cleaned it all out and he said with confidence that he had and that it must be broken.  Well, this morning I stuck my hand down there in disbelief that it was broken and it was a good thing I did; I found a pretty big rock (must have been from the hubby changing the dog water)!! The rock had broken into smaller pieces so it took some searching to find it all, but sure enough, once I got it all out, the garbage disposal worked just fine.  Yup, leave it to man to just say, "well, we will just have to buy a new one" and leave it to a woman to find the problem and solve it without a single cent being spent! I swear, if the government would appoint a group of stay at mothers to go over the US budget, not only would it probably get us out of debt, but I'll bet we would make them money!

After a little while of putting my 2 year old to bed, rubbing her back and spending time helping her to appreciate her sleep, she is now walking upstairs hand in hand, lying down and going to sleep.  It has been wonderful, not only is it not a fight at 9 pm, but we just put her in bed, we get to leave and she sleeps the entire night without coming into our room until after we're awake.  Allowing our little ones to grow up is tough, but it was the cutest thing to go upstairs, peek in on her and see that she tucked herself in... absolutely adorable!

for the past couple of days, my husband and I began our journey on P90X; we work out in the mornings together, I clean house and he makes the dinners (which are awesome, he is a much better cook than I am).  By 9 pm I was not only sore to the point of no return, but I was so tired that I didn't feel like I could even put the girls to bed.  I took my baby downstairs and handed her off to the hubby and he asked me to put our toddler to bed, so I took her upstairs.  Around 15 minutes later, my husband came upstairs and gave me the baby.  I was in such a bad mood! On top of how miserable my entire body felt (inside and out), my new born was wide awake at 10 pm, it was miserable and I felt terrible, but I had to let her cry and wear herself out.  It took forever for her to go to sleep, but she finally did and I could not have been more grateful!  She slept the whole night through and woke up around 6 am.  

One child never seemed as if there were any change in our lives, the only thing that was different was instead of being a workaholic, I became a love-a-holic!  All I have been able to do in these past two years is love my little one as if there were no tomorrow, take her everywhere and do everything I can to give her all the time I never had with my mother.  Now that there is two, it seems as if the work load is 100% more! I try to still go places, but it's not like when I had my first and only one.  I went everywhere, everyday with only one, but now that I have two, with one that's walking, it's a bit difficult to just up and go places, mostly because of the two year old;  it takes forever to get out the door and it seems that I am always late for everything!

I am telling you, I have worked at nearly every job on the planet (that doesn't require an education, of course) and the hardest thing that I have ever done is be a MOM!  It requires you to have patience like never before, to understand that children get just as frustrated as you do; it changes you and how you see things.  It's truly amazing that having children bring out this whole other side of you that you may never had known before.  For me, it makes me miss my mother everyday... cherish every moment (good and bad), you have no idea when it could all be taken away.  I think how lucky my children are, that they get to have a Mother at home, to care for them better than any other person would.  If you are a stay at home Mom, you are so blessed to do so, take pride in what you do and who you are.  Sometimes we forget how beautiful we are, after gaining weight, having children and baring it all to a Doctor we barely know, I think it becomes too easy to lose yourself in it all.  We matter, although we do not have people flirting with us or telling us how awesome we are on a daily basis, we can tell by how wonderful we are though our children; what they are learning and how they interact with others.  For those who are not stay at home Mom's, you are much too over- worked and I know that there is some- sort of emotional detachment that has to take place, I do not know how you do it!  Just leaving my little one with their Father is hard for me, little alone someone who you barely know. Either way you have it, it is a sacrifice that all of us make (money- wise or time with our children), we do what we have to do to survive and none of it is easy.

I have to tell you, through it all, if my husband and I were to ever break up, it was all worth it, just to have my little ones apart of my life, for the rest of my life, it is all worth it! So whatever your life puts you through, just remember that you are an incredible person, you are not alone and that although you feel as if you don't have a friend in the world, there are many others that feel the exact same way and all you have to do is be a friend to gain a friend.  I am here for you and I can definitely use a friend.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Free Stuff!

Who would have ever thought that I would end up with two baby girls that wouldn't sleep more than 15 minutes unless they are being held!  This is why I haven't been able to blog; I can do a lot of things with one hand; blogging isn't one of them!
This week we found out about another program that they have here, in Arizona, that you can take your children to.   One of my beautiful friends thought to invite me and I was so grateful! We were late, but still enjoyed every minute of it. It's at the Superstitions Springs Mall from 10 to 11 every Thursday morning, they have a stage where they sing, dance and your little ones get all their wiggles out, allowing you to have a nice napping child by the afternoon... it's fabulous and free!! Plus they have an awesome Carousel that they get to ride for free as well, then you get free kids meal at the food court with a purchase; a friend of mine and I split our meal, so it was $4 for the 4 of us to eat, a fantastic deal if you ask me.
Arizona has a lot of programs for children, it's one of things I love about living here.  They have story time at Bookmans (a very successful second- hand book/ game store that has a little cafe as well), there's a story time at the Mesa Library as well and at several libraries they offer different "Culture Passes," to get you into various museums in Maricopa County... all for free!  Then you have the Tempe Splash pad where buckets dump on you, a water slide and several types of fountains, all of which are great for the kids to get soaked for hours in the hot sun!  At many malls they have splash pads as well, they are little fountains of water coming up from the ground, but they are great to go to after you've dragged your little ones around the mall for a while and when they can't take anymore of your shopping.  Arizona definitely offers a ton of stuff to do for free, even more if you are willing to pay, which I'm not... LOL, maybe if times weren't so tough, but they are and to be honest, at this age, my kid doesn't know the difference!

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Family is Everything

Today has been all about family day! My mother's mom, Grandma Robinson's Birthday is today, so I called to wish her a Very Merry Happy Birthday!  She is 79, doing extremely well and sounds happier than I can ever remember!  She and I spoke for a little while, which is a first, but she has quit smoking and is entering the Temple for the first time.  This is a very exciting time for the both of us, I can't remember a time where I was more excited and more surprised to hear something about her and I cannot wait to go with her!
I also just got off the phone with my grandma Rosenau, which is my father's mother.  Normally when we talk, it is my grandma and grandpa, they are so cute; they're usually on different phones at the same time listening and talking in.  I came in contact with them just a few months ago because we haven't had anything to do with my father since I was 4 and my mother just never made an effort for my brother and I to know his parents and I had no idea how to find them since I didn't know so much as their names.  Shortly after my mother's death last September I felt compelled to start doing family genealogy and as I did it, I began wondering about my Rosenau side since I had never known any of them or their names.  I started searching through everything I sent home after my mom had died and a while went by, but I found some old letters that my father and brother had written to each other while he had served a mission.  My father was strange, probably from the drug and alcohol abuse, but when my brother said that he wanted to come see him after his mission was over, my father told him that he couldn't because he was a stranger.  My brother stopped talking to him after that, but luckily after all my searching through boxes I came across those letters and they had my grandparents phone number and address, but no names.
I called them nearly everyday for a week, leaving message after message.  I had thought either they didn't want anything to do with us or they had passed away and I was harassing someone to no end until they picked up the phone and told me that they had no idea who I was.  Sure enough I received a call that following Monday and it was them, they couldn't believe that I had called so much and that I wanted to know them.  We spoke for a couple of hours, they said that they had stopped through Missouri at one point, to see my brother and I when was 5, but didn't get to see us after that because we had moved.  My mother was always moving;  my father would find us and when she figured it out, she would move us to make sure we were never in danger of him taking us again (tell you that story later).  Sure enough, my grandparents didn't know where we were, I'm pretty sure that's how my father had found us and my mother probably didn't want to take any chances.
Needless to say, with a leap of faith, I called and my grandparents have become people that I love very much, they are so cute and fortunately they are nothing like my father.  In fact, they haven't even heard from him in 7 years because my grandfather said that it was the last time he was given him money, that he was on his own.  I don't really do this, but never judge a book by it's cover... just because the children aren't good, it doesn't mean that the parents aren't.  Now we talk nearly every week and come to find out, we are their only grandchildren and now they have 3 great grandchildren as well and they apologized by saying, "We are sorry that it took us 28 years to become grandparents."  As for me, I never really had grandparents that cared to hear from me, that pretty much goes for family all together, so it gives me great pleasure that they wanted a relationship with me and I feel so much love for them that I can't believe how long it took for them to be in my life.
So if someone has been absent from your life... you should reach out to them.  Even if it is for a reason, that something is between you or your relationship suffered from something, life is too short to hold grudges.  I had wondered before I called them, why they hadn't tried knowing us, why they didn't try finding us or want us to be a part of their life bad enough to make the effort. I just put all of that aside realizing that most of the time we can't understand or know of certain things, we should put the passed away and move on.  I didn't ask why they didn't make the effort, I just embrace what I have now, I was the one who had to make the effort and I am so glad that I did, regardless of the circumstances.