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Friday, December 16, 2011

Celebrate the small things!

Celebrate the small things, whether it is something that you accomplished or something your children do, celebrate.  Life is too short to just sit around thinking you didn't do it good enough or you could have done more.  Make everyday a celebration of life.  I'm going to go celebrate nature today and go feed the ducks with my two little ones; I love nature and I am so grateful for its depth, it allows me to escape the worries of life anytime I choose and today I choose to embrace the beauty rather than worry.

Live 'n' Love Out loud!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Family is Worth more than anything in this world.

I married into a big family, my husband came from a family of seven, a number much bigger than two when you add how much groceries cost and the chaos provided by such a large number.  They came into our town and stayed in our home this passed week and while it was wonderful to spend time with them, but I must say, I am glad to have our house back.  Overflowed toilet, constant mess of living out of bags all over the house and craziness of trying to get somewhere on time... I have learned in order to have a big family, you must have a great since of humor or simply don't care.  Don't get me wrong, I have a great since of humor, I just have problems with wasting money and the not caring part.  I wish that I could be more laid back with a lot of things, but I have a hard time when the ceiling of my garage falls in or I can tell you exactly where you have been because you leave a trail of lights and dirty laundry behind you.

I guess you could say my home is my santuary and to be honest, it was the last thing that my mother ever did for me. She helped us get this house, just in the nick of time too, right after we moved our apartment comeplex began having some many problems with thieft and even someone who was shot.  It was her dream to live in a home such as this and everyday I see her in every inch of this home and I know that she would have loved it here. I think that is why I care more than normal, I want this home to last, to be perfect, in every way possible and treated it with respect, as we should anyway, but it seems as though most people take much of what they have for granted.  I am not materlistic at all, I don't require much to live this life, but cherish all that I have.  I have lived on much less, but would like very much not go back to that, I grew up pushing my mother to work harder, she always said that the reason she never gave up was because I had always been the monkey on her back, even as a small child.  She said that she always knew that I would never allow her to fail (my eyes draw tears as we speak).  She was so strong and she loved us so much and I refuse to give my children anything less and I will work as hard as I can to give them a better life than I had, mentally and materially (my life is great, but I want greater for them).  Yes, my life has made me strong, yes, I appreciate the good because of all the bad, but it takes a tole on you, it makes you watch your back even though you have done nothing and although you are a good person, you feel as though you are not good enough.  My mother was incredible and I will give my life to my children, living it each day, trying to do better than my mother did (if that is even humanly possible).

Live 'n' Love Outloud!!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Weight is Over!

Yes, I have lost my baby weight, whoo- hoo and to celebrate I got my hair half done for the first time ever (the half done part) and whole done, well the first time in two years.  Yup, half done, I was in the middle of getting it done by someone who is doing a secondary education required to work in a certain kind of salon and it had already been 3 hours when my husband called and text and called and text again!  I called him back when the glaze was rinsed from my hair and in the background I heard the scream of Riel (the baby).  Screaming bloody murder, she was!  She refused to take the bottle and hadn't eaten in at least four hours (she was sleeping when and before I left the house), I had to get home, so the gal barely dried my hair and set my appointment to come back to finish my half color and half haircut; got to say, I have never had one of those.  Ah, the joys of motherhood.  I am going to post before and after pictures when my hair is all done and I will be starting another blog after the holidays when I start working out.

I haven't been the best example of working out for a while now, but I used to be the very best example there ever was,  I had lost my will to be super fit after I moved from my hometown, Springfield, MO because I put my dreams of acting on the back-burner.  I heard that! You want to know what Springfield, MO has to offer?  Brad Pitt, Kathleen Turner and John Goodman... need I say more!  Yup, those guys came directly from Springfield, MO and many more to come, believe me, that place is inhabited with talent, real talent, not just the kind that move to LA hoping to "Make It," but the kind who know their craft, perfect it and spring into the spotlight out of nowhere... those are the ones to watch, it's beautiful.  When I see them on the big screen, I have two reactions;  so happy for them and the other, jealousy that they are on there and I - am - not.  I know that I could do something with acting (especially drama), it has honestly has been the only craft I have ever wanted to do with my life (no knitting or baby wiping dreams ever came from girl's mouth).  All I wanted out of my life was to take the set by storm and make every scene work.

Do you live life in the moment or are you the type that navigates through cause and effect before ever deciding what to do?  I am somewhere in between.  I grab life by the reins and guide it the best I can, but fly with it if the sleigh flies toward the wrong star (getting into the Christmas spirit).  I follow by faith, knowing by experience that life does not take turns by accident.  We either follow, experiencing a happiness we would never have known existed or we learn something that we never want to go back to ever again; either way, dreams are never lost. In a world of Internet and reality tv, life can happen and you can seize the moment as never before and when you are done seizing the moment, you can post a video and whool- a, can be right back to where you wanted to be.  Although I didn't get what I wanted out of life so far, I got two people I never even dreamed of having, you guessed it, my baby girls!  I never saw myself as a mother, little alone a mother of two or even married for that matter, but it is pretty cool and I have to say, I still act, just at home for now, but if you never see me on the big screen, this is what I gave it up for...

P.S. Dreams are never lost, just on pause once in a while.             

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Times flys!

This year has flown by!! I cannot believe that it is nearly December.  We had our baby blessing on my birthday... just about the only time that I can be happy for it to be on a Sunday, it was so neat!  All of my husbands family came, they are the most wonderful bunch of people you will ever meet. Riel is sooo big, at just three months old, she is at least 12 pounds (last visit to the pediatrian) and growing like a weed!  At week two, she was already holding up her head and body so steadily that it seems as though she's six months old.  The little ones grow so fast and the big ones grow even faster... it makes me sad!  They are so beautiful, watching them talk and raise their little hands, to watch those small fingers rub that little head... it is amazing.  As she eats, she closes her eyes with satifaction and drifts into a world of her own.  Everytime I watch her, it calms me and gives this overwhelming feeling of doing something right.

My toddler, her name is Skylie, she is amazing, she loves her little sister so much.  She gives her kisses nearly everyday and this week she gave her a cold... something that I wish she wouldn't have shared.  She has this beautiful way about her, the way she wants to be independant, but wants you to be watching to make sure she does it right (the perfectionist side of her).  Of course she loves to play and it makes me so sad when we go to play and the neighbors aren't ourside, she feels alone. That's exactly why I had another one so soon, so that she would have a built- in playmate and best friend; I'm so sad to see Riel to get big, but I can't wait for her to be big enough to do all the things that Skylie can.  It will be so wonderful for them and I am so glad that my husband and I decided to add to our family when we did and the timing could not have been more perfect or worked out any better. What made us decide to get pregnant in the first place, well it was with influence of our dogs, Skylie was picking things up with her teeth and bringing them back us to be thrown again, that's when I knew she needed a PERSON in her life to relate to.

It is such a awesome feeling when you do what is right for your children, even if it is the harder thing for you.  Having only one child is so unfair to them.  They grow up alone, always searching for somewhere to fit in, my daughter was experiencing this by the time she was only 1, I couldn't imagine how she would have felt by the time she was 10 or even a teen, at least now she has one person in this world who can know how she feels, to be able to go to school with and to experience this world side by side.  Of course she will always have us, her parents, but we all know, it is simply not the same.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Rollacoaster... I'll take you up and I'll bring you down and send you up again!

Yesterday was so fun and so horrible at the same time! My baby girl had to get 6 shots.. that is rediculous!! I was so mad afterwards because she couldn't quit crying, her poor little legs were hurting so bad, I don't think I can ever put her through that again!  I felt terrible and a failure to her, I was shaking and almost started crying, I never want to see my little girl in that much pain again!  After she fell asleep we went to Tempe Market Place where they have a splash pad, my husband stopped by and was supposed to stay and play, but our 2 year old was hungry and tired, I told him it would be a while before she would play in the water so he left to work on some things.  About 30 minutes later she began to play, she was so adorable and I wish so much that I had my camera, but I had forgot it at home and my phone was dead!  She played all by herself running around and hitting each of the water fountains that spring up from the ground, so cute!  She has  never played like that before and it was so beautiful to see her have such fun by herself, she would run over to me laughing and then run back to play, it was so beautiful!

While we were there, a young man who appeared to be high or something walked over to two women who happeded to be sitting acrossed from me.  He leaned over and said something, the mother said "I'm sorry, we can't do that."  I held my baby girl for dear life as he passed by me, I was praying that he would not stop.  He pocceeded to walk away, stopping at a sign and giving it a lashing with his fist... it was the craziest thing I have ever seen!  The mother stood up and walked over to me and explained that the yound man asked them if they would punch him in the face.  I was in complete disarray as I was thinking of leaving just before he appeared.  Nevertheless, we stayed for a bit, hoping that he would be long gone before we left.  People like that just need to learn to stay home!! My heart was pounding and I felt so blessed that my daughter had not run to me until after that guy left, who knows what could have happened and I was so grateful that nothing had occurred and that I did not see him again.  It was the scarriest thing that has happened to me in a long time.

On a higher note...
I am so excited to welcome our new little neice to the family today! I saw her picture just a little bit ago and tears came to eyes. She is so perfect and beautiful!  My sister 'n' law is gorgeous inside and out and I can't tell you how jealous I am of her on a daily basis, but now I'm jealous because she is holding her brand new little baby... that is the very best feeling ever!  I will never forget that feeling and that little look, that look they having just arrived from heaven.  They have this gleaming light all around them and you can't help, but want to hold and stare at that them.  Babies are so amazing, children are so amazing... they teach us so much and I look forward to spending each day with our little ones even if it is hard and tests my patience a lot, but it is well worth it just to see those beautiful smiles and that wonderful laughter that makes you laugh just by watching them.  It is the gratest joy of my life watching these little ones grow and learn... it is a true gift from God.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!! 

Saturday, October 15, 2011

It is a beautiful life!

What makes a day good or bad?  What you put in is what you get out.  Life happens in more ways than one and everyday is a new day, make the best of what you have.  I have someone in my life that feels as though life is what it is and that you can't change the way you are... they obviously haven't tried, not full heartedly anyway.  To me, when you have a beautiful family, a gorgeous house, a great education and everything that many can only dream about... I would be more than grateful, more than happy, in fact, I am.  Instead of dwelling on all the good, if something lacks in life, they focus on that and it becomes their reality in everything they think and do.

At the heavenly temple, I was inspired yesterday as I was able to feel of the overwhelming happiness of the spirits that exist beyond flesh and bone.  Here's my challenge to all of us;  single, married, dating or whatever our situation.  If we have negative thoughts as we speak, smile right this second, seriously, run to a mirror and tell ourselves something great in our life, do it, right now!!!!  Let's do this together; everyday we wake up, if there is someone there beside us, lets tell one thing we love about them  and one thing we love about life (even if they don't feel like doing this with you) just one and if there isn't anyone beside us, take the time to look in the mirror, acknowledging something that we love about ourselves and something that we love about our life.  For more effect, try to write it down so that we can go back and read it when we feel poorly.

It's a strange about us, but there are times that we like to feel down, feel sorry for ourselves, forgetting or never having felt that pure happiness... forget that!!! We have done enough in our lives, we are great and we have done more than some could ever dream and there are a lot of things that we can't change, but the way we SEE our reality isn't one of them.  Change the way we SEE things and we can change our reality... it's that simple.  This is not a mind game, this is simple physics; just because you're bleeding, doesn't mean it hurts.  You have happiness and beauty all around you, so SEE it, FEEL it and KNOW that it is there.  I will do this everyday of my life from here on out.  I may fail to remember a time or two, but the moment I remember, I will change what I haven't done to what I do.  I will see the beauty all around me and I will share this with every person that I come in contact with, starting today.  If I forget to wake, beginning the morning sharing my thoughts of love, I will call or text my significant other the thing I love about them and our life; instantly helping them to focus on the same.  Live in the moment as if you are taking your last breath, only say the things that you want to be known for and other's to remember... that's the safe way to make sure that you leave this life as someone who made a difference.  At my funeral, I want people to say, "She lived life to the fullest and I have not known someone so full of light as she." Embrace each day with a pureness of heart and a love for everything;  I do and I will.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

My head has so many things to say...

the last two days, our garbage disposer has been making a sound as if it were broken.  My husband is the only person who has been using it and I asked if he had cleaned it all out and he said with confidence that he had and that it must be broken.  Well, this morning I stuck my hand down there in disbelief that it was broken and it was a good thing I did; I found a pretty big rock (must have been from the hubby changing the dog water)!! The rock had broken into smaller pieces so it took some searching to find it all, but sure enough, once I got it all out, the garbage disposal worked just fine.  Yup, leave it to man to just say, "well, we will just have to buy a new one" and leave it to a woman to find the problem and solve it without a single cent being spent! I swear, if the government would appoint a group of stay at mothers to go over the US budget, not only would it probably get us out of debt, but I'll bet we would make them money!

After a little while of putting my 2 year old to bed, rubbing her back and spending time helping her to appreciate her sleep, she is now walking upstairs hand in hand, lying down and going to sleep.  It has been wonderful, not only is it not a fight at 9 pm, but we just put her in bed, we get to leave and she sleeps the entire night without coming into our room until after we're awake.  Allowing our little ones to grow up is tough, but it was the cutest thing to go upstairs, peek in on her and see that she tucked herself in... absolutely adorable!

for the past couple of days, my husband and I began our journey on P90X; we work out in the mornings together, I clean house and he makes the dinners (which are awesome, he is a much better cook than I am).  By 9 pm I was not only sore to the point of no return, but I was so tired that I didn't feel like I could even put the girls to bed.  I took my baby downstairs and handed her off to the hubby and he asked me to put our toddler to bed, so I took her upstairs.  Around 15 minutes later, my husband came upstairs and gave me the baby.  I was in such a bad mood! On top of how miserable my entire body felt (inside and out), my new born was wide awake at 10 pm, it was miserable and I felt terrible, but I had to let her cry and wear herself out.  It took forever for her to go to sleep, but she finally did and I could not have been more grateful!  She slept the whole night through and woke up around 6 am.  

One child never seemed as if there were any change in our lives, the only thing that was different was instead of being a workaholic, I became a love-a-holic!  All I have been able to do in these past two years is love my little one as if there were no tomorrow, take her everywhere and do everything I can to give her all the time I never had with my mother.  Now that there is two, it seems as if the work load is 100% more! I try to still go places, but it's not like when I had my first and only one.  I went everywhere, everyday with only one, but now that I have two, with one that's walking, it's a bit difficult to just up and go places, mostly because of the two year old;  it takes forever to get out the door and it seems that I am always late for everything!

I am telling you, I have worked at nearly every job on the planet (that doesn't require an education, of course) and the hardest thing that I have ever done is be a MOM!  It requires you to have patience like never before, to understand that children get just as frustrated as you do; it changes you and how you see things.  It's truly amazing that having children bring out this whole other side of you that you may never had known before.  For me, it makes me miss my mother everyday... cherish every moment (good and bad), you have no idea when it could all be taken away.  I think how lucky my children are, that they get to have a Mother at home, to care for them better than any other person would.  If you are a stay at home Mom, you are so blessed to do so, take pride in what you do and who you are.  Sometimes we forget how beautiful we are, after gaining weight, having children and baring it all to a Doctor we barely know, I think it becomes too easy to lose yourself in it all.  We matter, although we do not have people flirting with us or telling us how awesome we are on a daily basis, we can tell by how wonderful we are though our children; what they are learning and how they interact with others.  For those who are not stay at home Mom's, you are much too over- worked and I know that there is some- sort of emotional detachment that has to take place, I do not know how you do it!  Just leaving my little one with their Father is hard for me, little alone someone who you barely know. Either way you have it, it is a sacrifice that all of us make (money- wise or time with our children), we do what we have to do to survive and none of it is easy.

I have to tell you, through it all, if my husband and I were to ever break up, it was all worth it, just to have my little ones apart of my life, for the rest of my life, it is all worth it! So whatever your life puts you through, just remember that you are an incredible person, you are not alone and that although you feel as if you don't have a friend in the world, there are many others that feel the exact same way and all you have to do is be a friend to gain a friend.  I am here for you and I can definitely use a friend.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Free Stuff!

Who would have ever thought that I would end up with two baby girls that wouldn't sleep more than 15 minutes unless they are being held!  This is why I haven't been able to blog; I can do a lot of things with one hand; blogging isn't one of them!
This week we found out about another program that they have here, in Arizona, that you can take your children to.   One of my beautiful friends thought to invite me and I was so grateful! We were late, but still enjoyed every minute of it. It's at the Superstitions Springs Mall from 10 to 11 every Thursday morning, they have a stage where they sing, dance and your little ones get all their wiggles out, allowing you to have a nice napping child by the afternoon... it's fabulous and free!! Plus they have an awesome Carousel that they get to ride for free as well, then you get free kids meal at the food court with a purchase; a friend of mine and I split our meal, so it was $4 for the 4 of us to eat, a fantastic deal if you ask me.
Arizona has a lot of programs for children, it's one of things I love about living here.  They have story time at Bookmans (a very successful second- hand book/ game store that has a little cafe as well), there's a story time at the Mesa Library as well and at several libraries they offer different "Culture Passes," to get you into various museums in Maricopa County... all for free!  Then you have the Tempe Splash pad where buckets dump on you, a water slide and several types of fountains, all of which are great for the kids to get soaked for hours in the hot sun!  At many malls they have splash pads as well, they are little fountains of water coming up from the ground, but they are great to go to after you've dragged your little ones around the mall for a while and when they can't take anymore of your shopping.  Arizona definitely offers a ton of stuff to do for free, even more if you are willing to pay, which I'm not... LOL, maybe if times weren't so tough, but they are and to be honest, at this age, my kid doesn't know the difference!

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Family is Everything

Today has been all about family day! My mother's mom, Grandma Robinson's Birthday is today, so I called to wish her a Very Merry Happy Birthday!  She is 79, doing extremely well and sounds happier than I can ever remember!  She and I spoke for a little while, which is a first, but she has quit smoking and is entering the Temple for the first time.  This is a very exciting time for the both of us, I can't remember a time where I was more excited and more surprised to hear something about her and I cannot wait to go with her!
I also just got off the phone with my grandma Rosenau, which is my father's mother.  Normally when we talk, it is my grandma and grandpa, they are so cute; they're usually on different phones at the same time listening and talking in.  I came in contact with them just a few months ago because we haven't had anything to do with my father since I was 4 and my mother just never made an effort for my brother and I to know his parents and I had no idea how to find them since I didn't know so much as their names.  Shortly after my mother's death last September I felt compelled to start doing family genealogy and as I did it, I began wondering about my Rosenau side since I had never known any of them or their names.  I started searching through everything I sent home after my mom had died and a while went by, but I found some old letters that my father and brother had written to each other while he had served a mission.  My father was strange, probably from the drug and alcohol abuse, but when my brother said that he wanted to come see him after his mission was over, my father told him that he couldn't because he was a stranger.  My brother stopped talking to him after that, but luckily after all my searching through boxes I came across those letters and they had my grandparents phone number and address, but no names.
I called them nearly everyday for a week, leaving message after message.  I had thought either they didn't want anything to do with us or they had passed away and I was harassing someone to no end until they picked up the phone and told me that they had no idea who I was.  Sure enough I received a call that following Monday and it was them, they couldn't believe that I had called so much and that I wanted to know them.  We spoke for a couple of hours, they said that they had stopped through Missouri at one point, to see my brother and I when was 5, but didn't get to see us after that because we had moved.  My mother was always moving;  my father would find us and when she figured it out, she would move us to make sure we were never in danger of him taking us again (tell you that story later).  Sure enough, my grandparents didn't know where we were, I'm pretty sure that's how my father had found us and my mother probably didn't want to take any chances.
Needless to say, with a leap of faith, I called and my grandparents have become people that I love very much, they are so cute and fortunately they are nothing like my father.  In fact, they haven't even heard from him in 7 years because my grandfather said that it was the last time he was given him money, that he was on his own.  I don't really do this, but never judge a book by it's cover... just because the children aren't good, it doesn't mean that the parents aren't.  Now we talk nearly every week and come to find out, we are their only grandchildren and now they have 3 great grandchildren as well and they apologized by saying, "We are sorry that it took us 28 years to become grandparents."  As for me, I never really had grandparents that cared to hear from me, that pretty much goes for family all together, so it gives me great pleasure that they wanted a relationship with me and I feel so much love for them that I can't believe how long it took for them to be in my life.
So if someone has been absent from your life... you should reach out to them.  Even if it is for a reason, that something is between you or your relationship suffered from something, life is too short to hold grudges.  I had wondered before I called them, why they hadn't tried knowing us, why they didn't try finding us or want us to be a part of their life bad enough to make the effort. I just put all of that aside realizing that most of the time we can't understand or know of certain things, we should put the passed away and move on.  I didn't ask why they didn't make the effort, I just embrace what I have now, I was the one who had to make the effort and I am so glad that I did, regardless of the circumstances.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Learning+serving= LOVE

Can I be completely up front with you, I mean very honest! I know a lot of people who are married, a lot of people who aren't and the majority of them who aren't, are happier than the ones who are... how could this be when you married "The one that made you happiest!"  I don't understand how someone could go through so much trouble to get married to someone and not put the effort into the relationship afterwards;  learning about that person or spending time getting to know them, who you chose to live forever with.  Happiness is always the consequence of serving others or looking at the bright side of things (which are two things that we should practice on a daily basis with our spouses).  I was speaking to a friend earlier and everyone they know has a halfway failed marriage.  Why do we keep living life... learning, bettering ourselves at our job and dreaming of what life has to offer, when what's great about life is sitting right in front of you and within arms reach.  We go to school to learn and to have a better life in the long run, we would never go just to be in a chair for eight hours a day just for the heck of it, so why would we get married "just for the heck of it."  It may not be easy, but we need to remember to keep working on ourselves and learning about our spouse to have a better life in the long run; we don't know and never will know everything about them, so why do we think that after marriage our education ends?  Why is it the pursuit of a person, "the wooing phase," is where we learn and think that once it ends, it's time to stop learning.  It is so important for us to keep wooing our spouses, even more important, hello... they aren't going anywhere!  Why are we so quick to spend time and money on someone when we don't even know if they're going to stick around and then when you have that someone that will stick around, they are the least likely person that you'll ask their favorite color, if they'd like to go on a picnic or even "what can I do for you to make your life easier?"  Why do we assume that marriage is an excuse to be a lazy person who happens to be in a long relationship?  Let's all start doing it, lets learn about our spouses together and keep the music alive;  we don't throw it away just because someone put a scratch in the disk, you just buff it out and try it again...

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!! 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Why Me!!!

I'm thoroughly enjoying some fudge covered Oreos and milk right now to help ease the pain!  

As for what I have to say today, well...
Life happens and you have to learn to roll with the punches, but I have been really stupid lately.  Such as letting my kid play with my phone without me anywhere near her, making darn sure that she isn't doing anything that I wouldn't do and today I put on this t-shirt that is beyond see through with every intention of putting a tank under it. Let me explain, the tank- top was downstairs when I was getting dressed this morning and I was going to put it on when I got down there, but I have two kids and since I don't forget anything (haha), I can't imagine how I forgot to put the tank-top on.  So I have been wearing this see- through shirt all day today and had one person this morning drop off her kid while she ran an errand and had an unexpected visitor at my door passing down a couple of dresses to my little girls.  Needless to say, my neighbor left as fast as she could when she normally chats it up for a bit and I wondered why when I came back into the house I saw my tank- top sitting where I had left it earlier when I really had every intention of putting it on, but had to grab the baby instead.  Oh boy, did I loose my mind while I was pregnant, maybe after, but needless to say... it is not the same!  I make people uncomfortable too often nowadays for it to be the same (LOL).  Oh well, at least I was wearing a bra, there are a lot of people that don't even do that nowadays!     
It wasn't quite this extreme, but you get the point!! 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Home Sweet Home

In my house there is always something to do, it was a foreclosure and my husband is an Architect major who works at Sherwin Williams... need I say more!  Basically, our house was a clean slate to do the craziest, out-landish, whatever you can come up with kind of things.  Lately we have begun painting walls, I pick the color while my husband does the work.  He finished our family room, which looks incredible by the way; mostly because of the design that my husband came up with and I completely love it! Now he is painting a part of the ceiling that we can see from the bottom floor, Im loving it.  Oh yes, not to mention, I'm in need of some advice of whether we should leave up this painting poster thing that my husband purchased behind my back, he does that when I say "No" to something that he wants... do all husbands do that?  All I know is that I am home all day and he is not, so I am the one who has to endure it on a daily basis and that makes my opinion much more important when it comes to anything in the home (I think anyway).

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Laptop... yup, the laptop!

I must say, my two year is gorgeous, adorable and has a lot of spunk... everything a mother can ask for, but as of yesterday, did the worst thing that a child can do! My daughter was about 8 months old when she started eating some adult foods and things didn't go so well, basically never ate!  I was given a laptop a few months ago because a friend of ours had a laptop that his work was getting rid of and we put it at the end of our kitchen table to entertain our daughter in high hopes that she would start eating at every meal.  Sure enough it worked!! I was joyful of this because our daughter is so small that she is in the 20% percentile according to the pediatrician, when she started out at the 80th! This kid needed to start eating frequently rather than every other meal.  It was so nice, she came to know that if she wasn't eating then she doesn't watch a movie, this had solved our problem completely... as of yesterday.  Yesterday our daughter was left alone for a few short minutes just as we always do (in and out of the dining, just for checkups to make sure she's eating) and as I came in, she had water dripping from her mouth and leaning over the laptop; I freaked!  I was hoping that she hadn't done anything yet, but I lifted the laptop to move it and sure enough water spilled out, I mean spilled- out! While I knew there was little to no hope for saving the thing, I put it in front of the floor fan for the next 12 hours, as I had done with a couple of cell phones in the passed, but it didn't work.  My poor laptop was ruined... kids (could you see my head shake back and forth in disbelief?);  you can't live with them and you can't live without' em!

Live *n* Love Out Loud!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Embarrassing Moment!

Children are beautiful, but they do not so beautiful things sometimes... such as post a video on facebook where it shows you half naked!!  Yes, this happened to me today and my cousin texted me to say, "Did you know the video you posted on facebook this morning shows you half naked?" I was looking at the video and it seems to be my wakeup call to loose some weight and I can't help but laugh at this very moment!  This is life, life happens and I must say, out of all the videos she could have picked, I don't know why it had to be the only one where I had been getting dressed and found myself half naked as I videoed my daughter, why does it always have to be that one in which you intend no one to ever see, why does that always happen!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

You are a someone

My heart goes out to all those who have lost someone, especially the ones who have lost someone to a choice that your someone has chosen.  Someone I know died a few days ago... by choice.  He had severe depression, but was trying really hard to get his life back on track.  When he quit those things, his life seemed harder, not easier, which makes complete since; life is hard and if you are taking something to cover up the difficulties so that you never have face them, then it would seem easier at the time.  If we allow depression to take hold, you never know where it'll lead us; some become severely overweight, some choose be homelessness instead of with their family, some kill themselves, the list goes on and on... unfortunately there is always a consequence and typically a bad one.
This young boy had so much to offer, he was a baseball star in high school, an incredibly nice kid with a love for the outdoors that most people couldn't even fathom.  I wish I would have known what he was going through, I wish that he wouldn't have had a fake smile every time I saw him, I wish I could have known about his deep depression; I would have reached out, I would have given him a friend, not a family member.
You or someone you may know is worth it, it's worth making a big deal about. Be honest with yourself and those around you;  you see someone that you can trust or someone that you know that would make a great friend, tell them what you are going through, tell them so that you can save your life, the one that you should be living rather than "just getting through."  You have so much offer and someone out there needs you in their life, there is a reason you are on this earth today.  Maybe no one has told you lately, but you are a remarkable person, you have so much to offer, you just aren't focused on that right now, but are an incredible person and there is nothing that can stand in your way once you make the decision to start living your life.
It's not worth faking your way or killing yourself, someone, maybe not you, pay for it, so why not just be real with yourself and those around you.  For everyone out there that might be walking too close to the cliff, why do you do this, why do you like taking a chance with the one life you have.  Why don't you try walking closer to the mountain or even better, anchor yourself to it so you have something to grasp if you should happen to fall.  Take away all the things that cover up what you might have to go through on a daily basis, face your demons so you have nothing to fear when you decide to wake up.  Although you might not become president, a famous actor, a doctor or anything; there is someone who thinks that you are important, you mean the world to them and believe me you are worth every moment of their time and they will help you and see you through your sadness.  You can be whoever and whatever you want to in this life, not years from now, not tomorrow, but right now and every moment that you are here on this earth, but once you decide to leave, there is nothing that you can change, that moment is gone in an instant and you can never get it back.
 A poem that I found on a bookmark in Oxford, England...
The Lord can see you through,
but you are the only one
that can let him in.

God hath not promised skies always blue
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
  Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

If you are going through tough times and feel as though no one is there for you, I am and even better, drop to knees, the Lord will heed your words and know that you are humbled; he too will see you through the storm.  You can talk to the both of us anytime! 

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Friday, September 9, 2011

New Kid on the Block

What happened to the good-old-days when the employers came searching for their employees; they valued who they found and gave them every means possible to become successful because they hired you; they believed in you, so they made a way for you to become great at your job.
We all know that school is a joke; you get a degree, but few and next to none of us learn what it is that we will actually be doing after we earn that sheet of paper and even fewer people end up in the work force they studied in school.  It is only when we enter the job force that we truly find out what the job is and what we will be doing and every business has a different way of doing everything, so one job hardly ever relates to the next.  We have to be creative in how we go about finding jobs nowadays and you have to be the perfect fit in order to keep one because everybody knows that if you aren't, there are thousands of others who are wanting your job and you are completely replaceable.
My brother and sister 'n' law are on the search for a new job; twice they have been victims of, "Quick to hire, quick to fire (as she would put it)" positions.  This economy is tough, really tough to get a job and just as tough to keep one.  What are these employers thinking, why are they wasting so much money and time hiring people that aren't quite what they are looking for and firing them so soon.  Why aren't they giving new kids on the block a chance; time to learn and get the hang of things.  Don't these people realize that eventually they will have to hire someone straight out of school, that they will have to train them to do their job; the ignorance of some of these people is absolutely baffling to me.
George Washington at Valley Forge
I worked at an eye clinic and they would invest a ton of money in training someone and they would fire them within a year (it worked that way with nearly 80% of their employees).  It's no wonder our economy is in such a slump, we have businesses who waste a ton of money on employees that they hire, fire, hire and train all over again.  Then we have our government who spends more money on space exploration than keeping our society out of poverty.  What gives!!  The government needs to hand the budget to a group of stay at home Mothers that don't have the choice to print more money to cover their behinds, they live within their means and come up with creative ways to make ends meet.  Crazy yea, but what has worked... absolutely nothing so far, the true definition of ignorance "doing the same thing over and over expecting different results."  Our government says things in a different way, but always does things the same as before... do it completely differently and maybe we might finally get somewhere!!!
Our people deserve to have a government and jobs who care more about us and our family than themselves, that is how it's supposed to be and yet, it hasn't happened in decades!  Politicians just keep acting as if they care, but continue to waste money where it isn't necessary.  Whatever happened to the love of which this country was founded, the love of God and family... none of that seems to matter to people when they talk about money and politics, they emphasize nearly everyday that if we are supporting Wallstreet everything else will be ok, but really if we are supporting the family, everything will be ok.  We are in the middle of the windstorm, it keeps pounding us and there is someone right inside the house holding an umbrella, just watching us get pounded with dirt, rain and wind.  They don't have the decency to invite us to take the umbrella and most certainly would never come out to help;  they just continue to watch and think about what they could do; that is our government and our jobs, they are not active in their contributions because they hold all the cards and it's much too easy to say they care rather showing it.  
We need to start helping  one another, thinking of each other, the little things add up; f your neighbor leaves out their trash can and you know they can be fined for it, put it next to their garage, don't just walk or drive by it each day thinking about how many fines they may be racking up.  You walk by someone's parking meter and it's out of time and you happen to have a dime in your pocket, put it in... do unto others as you would want done unto you and maybe karma will start passing along some good stuff rather than, "it's not my problem."  We need to take care of each other, as neighbors... as family.  Everyone needs help one time or another and we should take it upon ourselves on a daily basis to provide inspiration to become a better people all the time, not just in time of need and desperation.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A Day Of Memories

Today has been one of those days full of smiles and countless wonderful thoughts, but then tears start to fall of what's missing in my life, my children's lives and even those around me who miss out on knowing someone as pertinent as my mother.  She lead a very full life despite the fact that half of it was lived fighting to keep her head above water; that's the hard part, you want for someone like that to be able to live a part of their life in peace, being able to enjoy their family and all that they had worked for on this earth.  My mother was only able to do that in very short bursts; between phone calls as a realtor or even before that, being a vending machine company owner and having to work her life away just ends meet.  She died never knowing what it was like to live in the moment; her mind was always somewhere else, always focused on what needed to be done to make the next dollar... I guess that's what happens to someone who lives more of their life as a single mother than anything else (for the good ones anyway).
A year ago today my mother passed away from cancer, she had it in everything from the neck down; they thought it probably started out as breast cancer, but by the time they knew anything about it, it was everywhere, stage four and they gave her six months to live.  I never can get a grasp on something like this, someone who goes from healthy, so strong (inside and out), to someone who didn't even have the strength to smile, little alone, to fight any longer.  Those two things were the very description of my mother and what she was known for; those two things became impossible for her the last week that she was here on this earth.
The greatest team that ever lived.
For all of us; young, old, weak or strong, death comes when you least expect it or even more, when you don't think it's even a possible.  It's something that happens in the movies, not real life... at least for me and yet it's becoming all too familiar on the day to day basis, with the memories of a Mother who did so well at raising her children on her own without a helping hand.  She is my everyday inspiration of Living my life for my family, my husband and my children, she helps to know the true importance of this life through all that she had to give up just to keep a roof over our heads.  The most giving, selfless person that I ever known is not walking on this earth with me hand in hand anymore, but her spirit remains and walks with me in mind and purpose.
We are your legacy and we will
never forget your dedication,
your strength and how you paved
the way for us to live a
life of true happiness... it's all
because of you, MOM!
Mom, I miss you dearly and I remember you sitting there at my bedside, taking a moment to be the Mother you wish you could have been.  "I love you forever, I'll like you for always.  As long as I'm living, your mother I'll be."  You are my mother... for Eternity, forever and ever;  I would never have chosen it any other way.

Live 'n' Love Out Loud... all you can, life is too short to do it any other way!

Ticks, YUCK!!!

Here I am, in my kitchen, my daughter is watching Chip 'n' Dale while somewhat eating (the worst eater on the planet) and my newborn is in a bouncer sitting next to me, struggling with discomfort (she despises being on her back!).  My house is clean and looks fantastic, thanks to the help of my husband who decided to help me a couple of days ago when we decided to have my sister and brother 'n' law over for dinner.
There are a few things driving me absolutely bonkers!!!  No matter how clean I keep our house, we have tiny little sugar ants in our house, it's as if they fly, I don't see them craw up my arm, but suddenly I feel one on my neck and I don't see a trail or them walking anywhere from the sides of the kitchen, just out of nowhere I see several in the middle of a surface.  I hate insects with the passion and especially ants and ticks!! Ticks are absolutely disgusting and it makes me so angry when I see them on my poor dogs or on my children.
Yesterday I had to take my German Shepherd to the vet, it was a nightmare!! I didn't have any help with loading the two girls plus the dog that can't stand any other dog, but her best friend, a little Scotty, which is the type of dog that my husband brought home as a gift to me on my birthday last year... really it was my German Shepherd's gift, but he needed an excuse to get him at the time.  I go outside, start the car, take the dog out and then have my two year old walk while I carried my bag and the baby.  We are finally on our way when I look over at the dog and I immediately see 4 ticks on the inside of her ear... AHHHHHHHH!!!  Gives me chill bumps while writing it!

We had just sprayed all our trees and the lawn for ticks, not to mention used flea and tick killer on each of the dogs just two weeks ago; what had gone wrong, I just kept asking myself about what else we could possibly do!  I was so sick to my stomach the entire time we were riding in the car because there was nothing that I could do to remove the ticks until got home.  I'm a doer, I see something that needs to be done and I do it right then to ensure that I don't forget because it's undeniable that I most certainly will.  I dropped my daughters off at my sister 'n' laws, who is the most awesome baby sister you will ever meet and she loves playing with my older daughter  (who has an amazing, open, fun personality... she's hilariously entertaining!), which definitely helps.
We get to the vets office and luckily they have a cat side and a dog side of the office (brilliant idea if you ask me).  We always go to the cat side because my dog cannot handle being in close proximity to other dogs and I hate to chance anything.  I had two people wait on me, I had sat there for nearly 20 minutes before someone says, "Your appointment isn't till next Tuesday at 4:10... "Great, just my luck."  I told her what it took to get there and begged that she please see if the doctor could fit me in.  She came out and told me that it would be a little bit, but that the doc would see me, thank goodness!!
Our appointment was a consultation to get our poor dog debarked and shots.  Debarking sounds terrible, I know, but it sure beats having to get rid of one of your little ones, doesn't it?  This is an awesome procedure which only lasts about an hour and they heal within days and it's super cheap ($100) compared to the gimmicks out there that don't work anyway.   Believe me, we tried everything else and this was a last resort; we tried shock collar, she just kept getting prong marks from all the barking (the pain didn't seem to phase her), we tried the secret whistling bird house (which was a joke) and the collar that shoots nasty stuff up at them when they bark, nothing works and luckily, Petsmart takes all electronics back within 30 days of purchase as long as you have your receipt!
So Thursday morning my poor Shepherd (who I dearly love) will be debarked.  This is a great alternative to getting rid of a pet, which, I would never do... you make that decision to get one and you should stick by it till the end, as you should with a child.  Debarking is a deceitful word, it doesn't mean that they will not be able to bark at all, just that their bark is muffled and not so intense, which is exactly what we need.  Our dog's bark can be hear from a couple blocks away and I'm shocked that our neighbor hasn't complained about their 4 am bark-a-thon that happens almost on a daily basis.
When I arrived home from the vets, I immediately began de-ticking my poor dog, I only got out the ones that I could immediately find, so I know that there is probably a ton more to be found, so we are getting more medicine to put on her today and hopefully when we spray again, we will get rid of these buggers once and for all!!  The tasks never end around this house and there is always seems to be something else that needs to be done.

  Live 'n' Love Out Loud!!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Take time for your children

I've been home for two and a half weeks from the hospital with two beautiful girls.  Life hasn't been easy, but it is definitely worth it!  My smallest one is a night owl... she wakes in the middle of the night and doesn't fall back to sleep for a couple of hours, at least.  My two year old had sudden changes as soon as the new baby and I walked through the door;  she began whining and crying about everything, things that she had never been sensitive about, suddenly became tough and hard to deal with and tears always seem to follow. 

I was giving into the negative reactions, reacting back, which I've never done before.  It took me nearly two weeks to figure out what I had been doing differently from before so instead of reacting to my daughter's bad actions rather quickly, I have been able to stop, take a moment and realize the bigger picture than what is happening in the moment that it is happening.  I have realized that my reinforcement of good had vanished when my daughter began consistently throwing tantrums and that I had lost the gift of being a comforting mother because I had forgotten.  As soon as I remembered what it took for my daughter to feel important in hard moments such as wining and crying over nothing, I began comforting her; getting down at her level, speaking to her as I would an adult and respecting her position as the big sister and pointing out her beauty and strengths rather than her weaknesses.  This one act alone has changed everything in our household, she instantly became my big girl who always acts helpful and respectful.

Realizing the changes that needed to be made; something had to be done about bedtime!!! She started sleeping our room when baby came home just after we had got our bed back a couple of months prior and believe me, it's a whole lot better not having your little one sleep with you.  If your kids sleep with you, I feel for you, not only is it probably taking over your love life, but it's probably not good for their independence either.  I, out of all people understand and realize how fast our little ones grow up and before you know it, they're moving out and you see them once a year, but them sleeping with is not quality time anyway.  Help them to become great people that can stand on their own two feet, that they can be alone physically and know that they always have family there for them mentally and physically when needed; by helping them sleep alone, you are helping develop in a vital part of life.  All you have to do is take the time for them; most of the time, we are watching television before bed, this makes them think at night, doesn't relax them enough to have a good nights sleep.  Yes, sometimes our little one would fall asleep in the middle of a show or movie, but would wake up and come in our room in the middle of the night.  You should try what I did, I'm not saying it's going to work for everyone, but it's time well spent and can develop a bond with your children that you haven't ever had before and possibly could work for you as well. What I suggest is taking them to their bed, hand in hand, not carried and taking the time to rub their back until they fall asleep, you can sing or hum or talk story as you do, but make sure that they are completely relaxed (don't ask them questions or anything that they have to think about), make sure you are doing all the work. It has been three straight nights that she has stayed in her bed and slept throughout the entire night... which is a first!

I will tell you, I'm not an expert at parenting, just learning from all my experiences in life.  I have done every job that a person can without an education could possibly imagine and used to be a nanny; I do have a gift with people and children, they are what I love and appreciate about life.  Just remember to do things out of Love, not spite and certainly not to make them feel something negative from you, that decimates the relationship between any two people faster than anything; husband and wife, co-workers and especially you and your children.  Your family is worth taking the time to do things right.  Stop and think about how you would want someone to speak and treat you when you mess up or do something great; that is how you should treat all others, especially the one's you love... friends come and go, but family always stays family.  

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Day of Aug. 13, 2011... Baby Girl's Birth

This is my second child, my second little diva and I am so excited to have them both, I feel so blessed and so happy to have such sunshine in my life on a daily basis.  I had been pregnant for 39 weeks; I was due August 19, 2011.  I had gained exactly 30 pounds, weighing 152.2 for nearly 10 weeks straight... I'm very consistent with my eating habits, don't eat very much salt or sugar, but other than that, I eat what I want when I want, but I don't have a scale at home to keep track, so it is not on purpose that I don't gain more weight, I believe it happens because of the consistency.  Throughout this pregnancy, there were many ups and downs, felt sick all the time, didn't throw up, but twice, my back ached and I had tons of head and stomachaches, but it's worth every moment of anything pregnancy has to give!!  
On the evening of August 12, 2011 at four p.m. I began to have two contractions within the hour, but they would go away forever and begin again later. Starting at nine 'o' clock, the contractions began to be a bit harder and coming every 10 minutes with gaps of time passing by before another set, I called the nurses station at the hospital and sure enough they said to wait until the contractions where consistently 3 to 5 minutes apart. I waited and waited, the time came to be 11:33 p.m. so I went to bed and I woke up around 11:55 p.m, crying myself out of my sleep.  My husband awoke and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and of course with the severe pain I was in, I said yes.  We gathered what little we had prepared, woke up our 2 year old and headed out the door.  
On the way, I had 2 sharp, intense contractions of which brought tears and instantly went away when the contraction stopped. When we arrived at the hospital, my husband asked me to go inside and he would be there in a few minutes... I asked him to go, I was having a contraction and could not imagine moving in the middle of it.  A few minutes later two people come with a wheel chair and I immediately began asking for my epidural, fearing that I wouldn't have time to get it before the baby came.  The nurse checked me, I was at a 6... about 20 minutes later, I was being transported to a room where they had me stand and put on a different robe.  Right when I stood up, my water broke all at once, literally as water balloon would, drenching my legs and the floor.  My nurse was terribly uncaring about everything you could imagine.  I asked her if she would wipe my legs, "You're just going to get more wet," she says... "Hand me a towel and I'll do it myself," those are the words it took for her to take the time to do as I had asked 5 minutes before. 

The man I had been
 waiting for!!
I got back into the bed, she checked me again and I was at an 8... this baby was coming fast and still no epidural.  Just as I began to ask where the epidural was, the man I was waiting for came to the rescue!!  It took nearly 10 minutes for him to put it in, I was having severe contractions while having to hunch over, curling over my stomach and pushing out my back, it was the most pain that I have ever been in.  
He put it in at 1:05 am and it had kicked in by 1:10...  thankfully, I was feeling much better by then! The nurse checked me right after my epidural and I was at a 10, she told me it was time to push, I asked where my husband was... he was nowhere in sight, so the nurse said, "Let's do two practice pushes." Right after, she felt the head, my daughter was slipping out, no doctor, no husband in sight!!!  Since I felt my daughter coming out, I gave one more push and sure enough, the Doctor walks in, along with my husband, holding my other daughter in his arms... he missed the birth.   

My husband and daughter had finally arrived!
That nurse had no consideration for my family or me... I was so angry with her. By the grace of God, all went well, my daughter is beautiful and the both of them give me the warmth that I feel when going outside after sitting in a cold theatre.  They are truly what I live and breath; being a mother is the most incredible gift that the Lord could have ever given me.  

     Live and Love Out Loud...