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Monday, January 23, 2012

Turn hours of wasted time to hours of living.

I have been speaking with different members of the family, each person has a different outlook on people.  One person said, "I couldn't believe that anyone married your dad, little alone, a hard working, motivaded person such as your mother and I couldn't blame her for having left him either." That was the same person that was the only person that cared about him throughout his life, yea, including his dad (he didn't care and still doesn't to this day and no matter how bad he was, it makes me sad).  My father was a horrible person, there was no doubt about that, even his family will admit it, but they say he had a good heart.  Unfortunately, my father was not a good person, he could have been a good person if he would have chosen it, but he didn't.  All his life was spent trying to find the easy way through, but it always found him taking the harder route.  24 years of his life were spent in and out of hospitals and sitting around a television recording shows.
My father paid a high price for his decisions, let me expain;  he lost both of children, who he did appreciate on some kind of level (he stole us twice from our mother and vanished into thin air, so I know he did care), he never had the chance to know us or his grandchildren and he had nothing to live for except Dr. Phil (which I heard was his favorite to record, I wonder if he ever listened to it, you would think he would given up smoking and drinking if so) and his family, well, he had one person who talked to him, she would send him calling cards because she lives in California and he lived in Indiana.  I am sure his days were as a waitress who hasn't any costumers, the days are long, drawn out and the hours go by slow. I don't care who you are, the easy route of life doesn't exist.  I will take my trials, tribulations and triumpts over wasting my life away anyday.  There is nothing worse than having nothing to live for (it is only in your mind).  There is no easy way to get through life, the only way is living it, so I guess I will live, live it each day knowing that I am worth it, that no matter how much I feel lost, that there is a purpose.  Luckily, my children remind me of that purpose everyday, it is an instant reminder of what my life is about here on earth and anything else that comes along is just a plus.  We have one life to live, take it... choose to live to the best of your ability, there is a reason that you are here, you can make a difference just so long as you choose.  You have no reason to waste 24 years, that's 209,664 hours of your life, trying to figure out an easy route, just take it day by day and know that the easy route doesn't exist and that the hard route is worth taking because it's no harder than the any other route, but it is filled with things to smile about! I love life, even though I never had a father around and my mother is gone (I miss her everyday), but I know that I will be able to see her again and even though it hurts that I haven't a parent here on earth, I will turn that pain into progress, into doing great things with my life because I know that's what my mom would have me do, that's what I want too. Live this life to the best of your ability and you will always come out on top, I can promise you that because I am always having to choose it and it always turns out.

Live knowing that you have a purpose.
Love as if there is no tomorrow.
Life will be filled with magic. 

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