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Thursday, March 8, 2012

I have all kinds of random stuff to say!  Maybe because I haven't written for a while or maybe it's just because my life goes through these cycles where crazy stuff happens, I don't know.  The Lord works in the most mysterious ways I tell you! I have felt quite alone ever since my mom died, it was weird that the only person who really understood me in a way that made me feel like an important person, just vanished... we were that for each other, that's what my mom always said anyway and that is exactly how she made me feel as well.

I have been looking for a white rug on craigslist (which is nearly impossible to find, by the way!) and I came across a black one for $40 and decided to take a look at it.  I get this girls address and a couple of hours later I go to her house and she lives just two blocks away.  She invites me into her home to check out the rug, as I'm standing there I take a glance at her couch and out of nowhere the words came to me, "that couch looks just like the one my sister 'n' law had."  She said, "really, did she just sell it a few months ago?" Yes, I said.  "Was she really pregnant, about to pop?" Yes.  "And she lives in a second story apartment in, Tempe?" Yea and she has red hair, her husband has black.  By this time, the both of us are letting out a laugh.  I cannot believe in this very populated state of Arizona, that I ran into the very person that bought my sister 'n' law's couch.  I cannot believe I recognized it in someone else's home!  She only had that couch for a year or two and I looked at it maybe a hand full of times, never thought I'd actually spot it in someone else's home, unbelievable!  This struck an entire sequence of conversation, did I mention she has two girls just like myself.

I have been praying for a best friend, one that I can have nearby.  My life has suffered from such a huge absence ever since my mother left this earth and this person that I met is so sweet, so kind and one of the very things she says to me is that she's friends with everyone and anyone and never sticks to a certain group of people... I can't tell you how dead on she was to who I have always been!  I mean I had friends that I hung out with more often than others, but always went with the wind and befriended anyone put in my path and the relationships rarely lasted... I stick with them, but they move on.  Everywhere I go, my children are the only ones I hangout with, parties and such, I usually end up on the sidelines by myself or with my kids, some people find it ok, but I am a social butterfly who loves people and will do anything for anyone and I long to be someone that people want to have around.

I have always been a big fish in small pond; Springfield, I lived there forever (17 years) and moved from city to city, creating a different group of friends wherever I went so I literally knew everyone!  In Utah (lived there for 4 months) I found myself meeting every on screen actor there that lives there, I was instantly the person they trusted and wanted to be around, they called me for everything!  California (lived there 3 months), it brought me such wonderful, resilient people who are my friends to this day, one of them even handed over the keys to their penthouse after a week of knowing me and said that I could stay there every weekend that they would be out of town and then, there is Arizona, where I reside now.  This place is a very different place for me, I have lived here the second longest that I have ever lived anywhere (almost 4 years) and my friends are family or the next door neighbors who trade us watching each other children.  They do not consult me in any way or rely on me as a friend whatsoever... it makes me sad.  Everyone wants to be needed and I am no different.  I miss having that person that just stops by because they thought of you or because they are having a bad day and know that you can make them laugh (my mother)... I miss that and I hope so much that my life is able to be intercepted by someone that will stick around, love being around and couldn't imagine their life without mine.  I experienced this so many times in my life, but none of them last and I long for that best friend that life wouldn't be the same without... that is something I only had in a MOTHER.  We were undoubtedly best friends, we pulled each other through thick and thin.  Our saying to each other was, "Through thick and thin, where we've been, this is the only place I want to be.  No one could ever replace her or our relationship and all that she was, but it sure would be nice to have someone like her around and that is what I keep my eyes and ears open to seeing or hearing, whether it be her voice, her laugh, her undying love... while I have found much of that in a eternal companion, it sure would be nice to find a friend who understood me like she did.





1 comment:

Steven said...

That's awesome MErc! About the rug and about the friend!